The Woman

Do you ever build fantasy lives in your mind? I do. All the time. It’s how I shut my brain up so that I can fall asleep. The act of focusing on painting a world in my mind calms the “you have to do this, this, this, this, and this, this, this….” side of my brain.

For a while, I thought I was a freak for this bedtime routine of cozying up in my pajamas, closing my eyes and telling myself a story with so many details that I could see and almost feel it. But thank JC! I’m not the only one. About a year ago, I found out that there tons of people like me, thank you Good Mythical Morning crew for restoring my belief in my sanity.

Anyway, there was one night about a year ago that I dived into my fantasy world and found myself in the following situation:

I was acne free and healthy (note the way I prioritized that – wow, Rach), had glorious long and healthy locks of hair, rocked a sweater dress and kimono and had kick butt high heels. I ran into my ex at a coffee shop and after a brief chat said “Listen, I must be off to my meeting with so and so, but this was nice.” before gracefully walking out the door and hailing a taxi – because I totally worked in the big city.

In that fantasy, I was literally The Woman.

Who is she? I’m so glad you asked!

She’s the woman we see walking down the street and, just because of her appearance, we imagine all sorts of things about her story. We picture her life from her incredibly successful career to her three wonderful children and handsome has-it-together husband.

She looks different for all of us, because what she actually is.. well she’s everything we wish we were. So for some, she a stylish world-adventurer and for others she’s a down-to-earth home maker. For me, it leans towards the former + plus a lot more.

When I first posted about this concept, I immediately came up with a game plan of who she is and how to become her. Since then, I’ve accomplished a lot.. and a lot has changed.

My first The Woman was a 9-to-5-worker who wears high heels on the daily, a U.S. traveler who occasionally indulges in other-country excursions, a downtown big city dweller who actively seeks out new adventures on the weekends, a college graduate with an ambitious exercise routine, and a black-coffee drinker who skips soda in favor of iced water with lemon. She had colorful girly clothes and was content with her life and though fully aware of her tendency to write run-on sentences, writes them anyway. 😉

Fast forward one year and I’ve accomplished a lot of that: I’ve been to several new cities and states, I live downtown (though in a small city), I’ve started school again and I dig iced water with lemon. I also learned that: I hate working 9-to-5 and heels are only great on perfect-weather days, I find drinking black coffee isn’t all that glamorous and soda is still a favorite, I hate wearing color and have learned to appreciate my black-white-occasionally-tan wardrobe, and I suck at exercise and active living.

It’s also amazing how much a year month week moment can affect your dreams.

Today, in this moment, I want to be The Woman who has her life’s purpose always at the forefront of her mind, who plays the cello so beautifully the heart can’t help stirring, who moves God with her prayers. I want to be The Woman who has been to so many places in the world, but doesn’t have picture proof because she lived in the moment and not behind the camera. I want to be The Woman who has memories and not things, whose worship inspires belief in people who never dared to dream of God, The Woman who speaks truth in love, who writes her heart and inspires action from her readers.

I want to be The Woman who dares to dream and pursue God in such a way that everyone calls her crazy and says that she is reaching too far and too hard.

I want to be The Woman who believes that impossible is a myth and will, without hesitation, go wherever God asks her and say whatever He tells her to say.

I want to be a lot of things. But what good is want if it’s not followed up with action?

So after a lot of thought and prayer, and a lot of scolding from JC (Jesus Christ) and confirmation from His kiddos, here is my new sort of plan. I say sort of, because God is always free to change the path I take and also because I really hope that someday I can add things like “get married” and “adopt a family” and “experience pregnancy” to my list.

Note: I won’t be updating this post in the future regarding where I’m at on the path to becoming The Woman, but you can follow my progress on this here page.

Let’s jump right in, shall we?


Year One (2017):

  • Pay off remaining debt
  • Continue in school, working towards my AA in Human Services
  • Complete the German Mango Languages course
  • Walk/run a 5k (I’d like to run, but Lord knows I’m pathetic and walking is two million times as likely as running)
  • Finish writing the ebook on Chronic Illness, then self-publish
  • Visit Prince Edward Island with my grams
  • Begin fundraising and planning for Undignified Event 2018
  • Become a more consistent blogger and transfer to self-hosting

 Year Two (2018):

  • Buy a new (used) car with cash
  • Visit Alaska and 1-2 other new states
  • Buy a cello with cash (if my friend hasn’t come through by then with their offer to give me an old one for free) and start taking lessons
  • Finish writing my (I think) hilariously dramatic memoir and try to get it published through a more legitimate source
  • Save for first year of part-time Self-Employment as a blogger and full-time Ministry
  • Host Undignified Event 2018, plan and fund-raise for Undignified Event 2019

Year Three (2019):

  • Become Part-Time Self-Employed through blogging and go into Full-Time Ministry
    • Write to INSPIRE.
  • Take that month long, cross-country road trip I’ve been dreaming of for years and visit at least 10 new states (perk of it happening in Year Three- my kid sis will be old enough to go with me)
  • Graduate with my AA in Human Services and decider whether or not to pursue my BA in History (if yes, what era will I study?)
  • Host Undignified Event 2019, plan and fund-raise for Undignified Event 2020

Year Four (2020):

  • Go to Germany with my mom, which I’d say is a long-time dream for both of us
  • Possibly start BA in History, look for opportunities to join research teams and maybe even (dreaming big here) an archaeologist dig
  • Host Undignified Event 2020, plan and fund-raise for Undignified Event 2021
  • Start planning and fundraising for an International Undignified Event
  • Start writing a book about Undignified Event and everything I’ve learned about Worship over the years and try to get it published, bare minimum self-published

Year Five (2021 – 27 years young):

  • Continue saving for early retirement (goal: semi-retire by 30, fully retire by 40)
  • Host Undignified Event 2021, plan for Undignified Event 2022
  • Continue planning and fundraising for an international Undignified Event
  • Schedule a book tour from church to church, I want to inspire youth to dream big and work hard
  • Visit 12 new states, a minimum of one per month

*BONUS – Year Six (2022 – 28 years young):

  • Visit Hawaii and any other remaining states that I’ve never ventured
  • Possibly graduate with my BA in History and decide whether or not to continue on to my Master’s
  • Host the first Undignified Event International!!

What are your dreams and plans for the future? I’d love to know what The Woman looks like for you. 😉

The Woman


Hi. Long time no chat.

You may not know this, so if you don’t, here goes:

I suck at consistency. So much so that I actually wrote a post about it several weeks ago. Still failing.


I am not without excuse, though I live with a lot of guilt because of that inconsistency. The fact of the matter is, I’ve spent the majority of the last three weeks either working my bum off at my job(s), working my bum off on Undignified Event, or in bed because the pain and passy-outty-ness was too much to bear.

It has been really hard.. but my lands it has been rewarding!

Here’s a warning:

I’m about to talk about meeting an angel. I’m not crazy and I almost didn’t write this post because I didn’t want y’all to think I am. I just gotta testify of the Lord’s goodness. If you’re not interested in reading about my experience, feel free to skip this post and wait on tomorrow. No hard feelings at all! 😉

For those of you who remain..


I met a real life angel. A. Real. Life. ANGEL.

I’m getting ahead of myself.

I don’t talk a whole lot about my faith, but I am a firm believer in the Word and I truly believe that the principles and practices in the Scripture apply to our generation today, just as they did to the first church.

These principles include the gifts of the Spirit and a steadfast belief in the Spiritual realm.

Having said that, I’ll proceed with my story.

About a year ago, I had the amazing fortune to be in a Bible college class that turned into a prayer meeting. We (the students) went before a man of God who had served in ministry his entire life and he spoke specific prophecies into each of our lives.

To me, he said: “God is sending His angel to you. You will know him by his words.”

I was dumbfounded and so of course said: “Huh?”

He basically said the same thing again: “The Angel of the Lord is coming to you and you will know him by his words.”

I took it with hope but not much else. I figured God must have some metaphorical plan regarding angels and words. I’d like to see a real angel, but to be honest, I had a lot of doubt.

On Thursday, September 24th, I gathered together with several other believers to pray for Undignified Event. We specifically prayed that God would send angels to minister to the people who attended (according the to the Scripture that speaks of ministering spirits – Hebrews 1:14).

I didn’t expect Him to take me literally, but He certainly did.

At the event on September 26th, before it had even begun, a man appeared out of seemingly nowhere and began dancing with all his might and declaring the praises of the Lord.

I thought, “Aw, cool.” but not much else. Cause I fail at the faith thing.

Two hours later, our band had finished singing and was coming down off the stage. I saw the man walking around and interacting with people. Again, I didn’t think a whole lot of it.

That is until he approached me. Okay, to be honest, I still didn’t think much of it. Not until Sunday. But that’s because I was too tired to think on Saturday. #chronicillnessprobs

He came up to me and introduced himself. The following is the entirety of our conversation to the very best of my memory.

Man: “I am a soldier in the Lord’s army-“

Me: oh, weird way to introduce yourself.. hmm

Man: “-and I’ve come to give you a message.”

Me: this’ll be good

Man: “You have had many people tell you that your illness is an attack from Satan, but you know, because God sent His servant to you before it happened, that your illness was made to break you and shatter you so that He can use you for His purpose. Just as God used the life of Job to be glorified, He will do the same with you. Job 1:21 says that the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be His name. God gave to Job and took away from Him. He has done the same to you and just as Job blessed His name, you must do the same. Your testimony is in your pain. Remember that. Your healing is on its way.”

Then he walked away.

Let me just say that there is no possible way on God’s green earth that he could have known what was spoken to me years ago, when a man approached me and said “God is going to break you and shatter you so that He can use you for His purpose.”

This angel knew those words – WORD FOR WORD.

Everything the angel said hit home with me. That evening, a woman told me that the same “man” had approached her and spoken into her life, telling her things about herself and her family history that he could not have known.

There is no doubt in my mind that this is the angel of the Lord sent to me, and to others, to minister.

His words are already being confirmed. In spite of tremendous pain and an overwhelming desire to throw in the towel, I have gone to church and worshipped with everything in me. I have danced with all my might and shouted with a voice of triumph at every service.

And people have noticed this testimony. They know I’m in pain and I’m tired, but I’m continuing to worship. This testimony is glorifying God.

I trust Him. I believe His words.

My healing is on the way.

I just had to share. 🙂

I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ.