I’ve been in and out of college since I was 16 years old. I’ve switched my degree plan almost as many times as I’ve enrolled, and every time I end up feeling like it just isn’t right for me. I think I’m at the point where I’ve decided maybe college is what’s not right for me.
Before I get into this, I should mention that I have a diploma from a 4-year ministry school in my church’s organization. However, the school is not accredited and has only one line of study which is in Biblical theology/Ministerial studies, so I don’t consider it to be in the same category as secular college. To me, college is where you study career skills and secular knowledge.
Okay, now that I’ve said all that, I’m a wholehearted supporter of people getting degrees. I think it’s wonderful to apply yourself in study and to further your education in specific fields. People with degrees are my heroes.
But I also don’t think college is for everyone, and I know it’s not necessary to find success (my dad is an IT guru and people all over the world use his books in schools and the workplace- he’s also a high school drop-out). When someone tells me they skipped the college step and jumped straight into a career/ministry, or that they took a gap year that became a gap decade to travel and figure stuff out, I wholeheartedly support that decision, too. People without degrees are also my heroes.
And I think it’s finally sinking in that maybe college is not for me. It only took 4 attempts and thousands of wasted dollars to get me to this point, but I’m finally starting to settle on the notion of life without a college degree.
Now, obviously, as Christians, we should be seeking God’s direction in every step of our lives. So, I know what you’re thinking:
“Have you prayed about it?”
I have. A bazillion times. Before each enrollment, each degree change, and each new school, I sought after God for days and weeks and months. But, aside from the time He very clearly instructed me to drop out during my first attempt (I wanted to be a paralegal back in the day), He has been consistently silent on the topic. Now I’m beginning to wonder if His silence was because I was never supposed to go back and He is tired of repeating Himself to me.
Here’s the thing. Every time I quit school, life suddenly gets really splendid. Like the “I know I’m on the right path now and can totally breathe” splendid.
So why do I keep going back?
Because I love learning. I love to study out new topics and research new theories. I always have and I suspect that I always will.
When I’m in college, I feel so restrained. It uses up the limited energy I have, and though I get to learn, I also get bored, like, so fast.
I thought maybe this whole issue would be solved in my most recent attempt to go back to school. I started taking online courses through a college that offers a unique program for adults who are working full time. You’re able to take one course at a time, each one lasting 5 weeks. It’s very accelerated and time consuming, but also flexible since you only have one deadline each week and no classes to clutter your schedule.
I thought this 5-week approach would be GREAT for me. Turns out, I still get bored.
Anyway, my most recent decision to drop out came because of fibro and emotional exhaustion. I couldn’t cope. So I quit. And I’ve been breathing soooooo well since.
This time feels final. I’m beginning to think I may never try again, that maybe this was the point the whole time. I don’t know. I’ll keep praying about it. In any case, I’m a college drop-out 4 times over, and I’m okay with it.