adjective stag·nant \ˈstag-nənt\ : not advancing or developing
adjective stat·ic \ˈsta-tik\ : showing little change ; characterized by a lack of movement, animation, or progression
adjective list·less \ˈlist-ləs\ : characterized by lack of interest, energy, or spirit
These fearsome, ugly words that evoke such dread in me.. These words are those which I find myself using to describe myself lately.
To quote a wise man:
The latter half of 2015 and the former half of 2016 were chock-full of adventures. Within the span of fifteen months, I went on ten incredible adventures.
It looked a little something like this:
June 2015: Family vacation at Long’s Retreat Family Resort (Latham, OH)
September 2015: Hosted the second Undignified Event concert in Columbus, OH
October 2015: 21st birthday trip to Philadelphia, PA
November 2015: Went to a close friend’s wedding in Albuquerque, NM (which I just realized I never blogged about, so I definitely see a TBT headed your way in the near future)
February 2016: New York City to see another close friend perform in Carnegie Hall (another TBT to come, gosh I suck at blogging about adventures)
May 2016: traveled with my dad and siblings to North Carolina (*cough* again, no post on this)
June 2016: family vacation with my mom in the Great Smoky Mountains of Tennessee (are you seeing a trend?) and started my new job
July 2016: church camped with a close friend and my sister at Buckeye Lake in Ohio (le sigh! I give up.)
September 2016: moved into my own apartment
For fifteen months of my life, I consistently had trips to look forward to, goals to save for and adventures to inspire my dreams.
And now, nothing.
Stagnant. Static. Listless.
With my new 9-5 “real adult” job, I’m realizing a lot of things:
- Life goes by way too fast when you spend the majority of your days at work and the majority of your evenings recovering from the majority of your days at work.
- Vacation, shmaycation. Week in, week out. One adventure per year, that’s all you get (at least until you start moving up the ranks on seniority).
- You have to cram the crap out of life into Saturdays and Sunday afternoons (I’m at church from 9am-1:30pm, so Sunday mornings are out). This includes all the chores you were too tired for during the week (laundry, groceries, mopping, blah blah blah) and all the adventures you’ve been craving for days (which don’t happen because you get too exhausted from all the laundry, groceries, mopping, blah blah blah).
Again to quote the wise man:
Okay, I know a lot of you are thinking, “Hey Rachel, you promised to not be so negative! What’s up with this loserdom?”
You’re right. It is loserdom to complain all the time. So I need to do something about that, I need to start putting effort into positivity again.
First and foremost, I need to start dreaming again. I need something to keep me from passing out on the couch as soon as I get home from work, then waking up four hours later to move to the bed.
I need adventure. I need plans! I need to think about goals and work toward them.
And the key for me is fun.
+ wanderlust, ’cause gosh darn the world is full of places I crave seeing.
Toward the beginning of 2016, I started a second blog to record my goals and dreams and ambitions. It all came about because of this “The Woman” theory that I one evening stumbled across just before slumber. To quote myself:
The other night, I built a fantasy life for myself five years into my future. This may seem odd but it’s something I do regularly to help myself fall asleep. The act of focusing on painting a world in my mind calms the “you have to do this, this, this, this, this, this (repeat a million times) and this tomorrow” side of my brain.
I’m not the only one who does this (I found that out when I watched a Good Mythical Morning episode) so stop looking at me like I’m an idiot.
Anyway, in this fantasy I was acne free, had glorious long and healthy locks of hair, rocked a sweater dress and kimono and had kick butt high heels. I ran into my ex at a coffee shop and after a brief chat said “Listen, I must be off to my meeting with so and so, but this was nice.” before gracefully walking out the door and hailing a taxi – because I obviously lived in the city (Philly of course).
I was literally The Woman we all hate because we want to be her but don’t have the know-how or drive to become her. I’ve decided that I want to make that fantasy a reality.
Okay, I don’t really want to run into my ex and bid him adieu with a carefree “Ta-ta, love!”
But I do want to be The Woman who has her life together and wears high heels to work.
I got to work on this immediately. At first, it was little things like cutting out pop and sugar and getting outside more (this effort has since waned). Then I started actively job searching. I wasn’t looking for an amazing job, just something that would increase my paycheck.
This all worked out great for me. I ended up landing (by the grace of God) an amazing full-time gig with 100% healthcare benefits (premiums paid by employer and everything!!) and I even get to wear heels to work. I moved out on my own because I’m an adventurer, and my hair is back to healthy and long.
But lately, nothing new has been happening. The plan I came up with a year ago is no longer enough to fuel me.
I’m a “change” junky. I know most people hate change, but I thrive on it.. and when things stop changing, when routine settles in..
I get bored.
This is ultra dangerous for my GO-GET-‘EM personality because when I get bored, I get depressed and I stop trying to do life well. I mill about without purpose and drive and passion and become the essence of the word “blah.”
I don’t want to be that way anymore. I’m a mere four months in and I’M SO TIRED of it.
So I’m coming up with an action plan – a chart of goals, a list of ideas, a fantastic dream – something to work toward. I’ve been mulling this over for about a month; some things started to settle in my mind, some aspirations started to form… I’ve had several planning sessions with myself and goal chats with friends and family. I’m getting closer. And when I’m there, you can be sure I’ll be posting about it.