Demented though I may be..

I learned a couple of things about myself while at work on Thursday.

The first: I find that shredding giant stacks of paper in an industrial shredder is the best form of therapy on our planet.

The second: I can spend an hour shredding paper and wondering what horrors would await were my hair to get caught in the machine.

It goes something like this.

I wonder how long I can keep the machine running without stopping between each stack of paper. My hair is getting kind of close to feeder. I probably shouldn’t have worn it down today, then again, I didn’t know I’d be shredding paper.

I wonder if my hair gets caught, will it just be shredded like paper? I’m gonna guess not as hair is much finer than paper and has zero width. I wonder if it would just get tangled- oh my gosh, what if it gets stuck and the machine overheats and blows up in my face? OR WORSE, what if it pulls so hard on my hair that I’m scalped?!

I read an article on scalping and it said that you can survive it but that it’s eternal torment. My God! I need to get away from this shredder!!

But I really don’t want to break this record. I think it’s been shredding nonstop for five minutes now.

Okay, so if I’m going to live life without a scalp, I need methods to cover my skull. I think my best bet is a skin graft and wig. How do they even do skin grafts? Don’t they take skin from some other part of your body and sew it on? I’m kind of partial to keeping my skin where it’s at.  I think they have a fake skin option. Yeah, I’d probably go with fake skin.

Wigs kind of freak me out. They’re all itchy and oh my gosh- what if it’s real hair??? LIKE FROM ANOTHER HUMAN??

Maybe I could just rock the bald, skin-grafted look.

end scene.

It was a rough week. I’ve had a nasty fibro and costochondritis flare that I just can’t seem to shake.

It all started when my church called a three-day fast. Now, I am a big believer in fasting! Jesus assumed fasting would be a part of our relationship with God (Matthew 6:16), so clearly it’s a good idea.

That said, after just one day of skipping my already meager and nutrition-lacking meals, I spiraled. So I started eating one meal a day for the fast, but it clearly wasn’t enough. I ended up with abdominal pain, ribcage inflammation (which resulted in quite a few episodes of inability to catch one’s breath), migraines, leg and foot cramps, and weakness and dizziness.

Disclaimer: I know you’re not supposed to tell people when you’re fasting, but I figured my failure to follow through made this confession okay.

In other news, I’ve been seeing the chiropractor again as a part of my “Year of Self-Care” goal for 2017 ( which I’m just realizing I never posted on.. oops). Yesterday, our conversation went something like this:

Chiropractor: Have you noticed any improvements since I’ve been treating you for the last few weeks?

Me: More pain.

Chiropractor: More pain?

Me: Yup.

Chiropractor: Right, well that’s not supposed to happen.

Me: That’s comforting.

Like I said, it’s been a rough week.

But today is a new day and after five-ish hours of on-again-off-again sleep, I’m ready to tackle it.

My first task was to clean out the shower, which I did just before sitting to type this post. Go me! Next, I need to groceries for the week. I’ve already made my list, I just don’t feel like moving and roaming store aisles and carrying heavy bags of groceries up the steep staircase to my apartment.

If I can get my tush up and running, then it’s off to the gym. I really need to move more. My desk job is fantastic, but the lack of movement has weakened me greatly and every time I see a doctor or chiropractor they lecture me for it. Apparently fibro doesn’t interact well with laziness.

I dread exercise, but it will be good for me. I just have to get through the first month or two of excruciating pain, then all will be right with the world. Okay, maybe three or six months. We’ll see.

Now that I’m finished being a negative Nancy (or is it Nelly? I can never remember – either way I promise to be more positive in the future), how was your week?

Demented though I may be..

4 thoughts on “Demented though I may be..

  1. Heather says:

    I’ve had a friend get her hair caught in a shreddar. Also, I used to work at an animal hospital, keep cat’s tails away from one as well.


      1. Heather says:

        It really was as horrible as people imagine. She was completely mortified and sadly her pastor did not take mercy on her and it turned into a bigger issue than it should have been.


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