A while back, I was browsing through Pinterest and stumbled across this image. At first I was like “cool, a questionnaire” and then I was like “whoa, what am I doing with my life?” So obviously I thought I should share this experience.
In the spirit of being way too open about my personal business, I’ve decided to answer these questions publicly. Who knows, maybe being open with you all about these things will inspire me to live better. If you’d like to answer the questions as well, I’d seriously love to know. I’m a nosy being, after all. 😉
Okay, I’ll stop stalling now.
Some of the questions were grammatically faulty and one was repeated.. so I fixed it. You’re welcome. 😉
Are you doing what you truly want to do?
Nope. I mean yep. But also nope. So yes and no. I love my job, my responsibilities at church, etc. I know I’m in the will of God where I’m at, so in that respect: a resounding yes.
But am I happy long-term here? No way.
There are so many things I want to do and experience and what I truly want is the freedom to do those things. But I guess I’d have to be jobless to have that freedom.. and if I was jobless I couldn’t afford it.. so. Yeah. You see the problem.
But am I happy temporarily here? Definitely.
God knows what He’s doing. I trust Him.
How many promises have you made and how many of them have you fulfilled?
There’s no possible way to answer this factually. I don’t know how many promises I’ve made.. But if I was to rough estimate it all, I’d say I make a promise at least every 2-3 days, which would be about 2,190 promises since I was able to talk.
The vain part of me wants to say I’ve kept every promise.
The honest part of me wants to say that I’ve maybe kept half.
These promises could be anything from “I promise to be at your party” to “I promise I’ll love you forever.”
It really struck me a few months back how often I’ve promised something only to one day realize I can’t maintain that promise any longer.
I definitely promised forever to my on-again-off-again mister, but that fell through. Was it my fault? Yup. Sure we had problems, but in the end, I walked away because I wasn’t happy with the zero commitment. Was it justified? I think so. Was it breaking a promise anyway? Yes.
But there were a lot of times I promised to support a friend and came through, or promised to keep a secret and did.
So yeah. I failed a lot. But I also won some.
Will you break the rules because of something/someone you care about?
Unless it’s like a commandment or something, if I see a problem in the system, I don’t mind crossing boundaries to help someone.
Has this gotten me in trouble? OOOOHHHH YEAH. A lot of trouble.
I’m loyal to a fault.. literally.
Does it matter?
When I love (care about) a person, I’ll do practically anything (as long as I can do it and stay out of hell) to help them. Punishments mean nothing to me in that regard.
Is this a dangerous way to live? Gosh, I hope not.. but probably.
Is there anything you can’t let go of but you know you should?
Yes. A stuffed animal that my dad gave me years and years ago after he got home from a trip.
Ooooh, you mean mentally?
Yes. My on-again-off-again mister. It’s a constant battle to keep him out of my thoughts, and I’m still trying to get him out of my heart. I’m still trying to let go of him.
Do you remember anyone you hated 10 years ago? Does it matter now?
I do. It does. But I’m trying to make it not matter, honest I am.
Granted I’m not talking “hated her because she called me names in front of my class” hate. I’m talking “hated [that person] because [that person] destroyed my sense of being and the sense of being of others and have faced no consequences” hate. I’m working on it.. and each and every day I hurt a little less, hate a little less.
If you died right now, would you have any regrets?
At the risk of being a walking, breathing cliché.. I would regret not having the chance to tell the people I love that I love them one more time and I would regret that I didn’t get to tell more people about Christ.
Are you afraid of making mistakes even when there are no punishments at all?
I don’t believe that there is such a thing as a consequence-less action. Every single choice we make is either rewarded or punished, so if it’s a “mistake,” I’m assuming it’s going to result in punishment of some sort.
I don’t like making mistakes. I don’t like speaking before I think and hurting people. I don’t like making a scratch mark on a fresh sheet of paper. I don’t like typo-ing on a blog post.
If you’re a person who enjoys mistakes, kudos.
I wish I could be more like you. 🙂
What’s the difference between you and most other people?
I don’t want to sound vain, but honesty demands I answer this:
I think the thing that’s different about me is that I’m not afraid of life. To me, chasing dreams is invigorating, facing a scary diagnosis is thrilling, falling in love and getting hurt in the process is breathtaking.
Life sucks, but it’s so stinking beautiful that it doesn’t matter to me. When bad things happen, I embrace them as a part of this intricate story God is weaving out of my life.
Did I always? OOOOOOH NO. Definitely no. I used to be terrified of hearing the word “Boo!” when I turned a corner.. What I mean by that is: life used to scare the crap out of me.
But eventually, after enough bad stuff happens, you realize that bad stuff isn’t all that bad in light of eternity. It helps when, after being knocked on your butt for the 349759820358045 time, you’re still able to get back up by God’s strength.
I love it.
I love every single rotten second of it.
If today was the end of the world, what would you do?
I would go knock on the door of every single house I could and tell the person who answers of Christ’s saving grace. I would call every person on my phone’s contact list who doesn’t know the Lord and tell them of His love. I’d sing songs of worship and dance my praise.
I’d hug and kiss my family and tell them I can’t wait to see them on the other side.
Then I’d smile to myself and think:
Finally. I’m going home.