The one in which I rant about the dating scene…

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I have some frustration to vent and it is entirely to do with the dating scene of my generation, and some other generations, too.

Here’s the thing: I want a dating life that is centered around the possibility of marriage, and boy-oh-boy is that hard to achieve in the age of hiding behind social media and “no promises, though”. Spontaneity is placed on a pedestal and planning in advance is scowled upon. What’s up with that? I like plans. Plans make me feel secure and important.

It’s like I just woke up and thought to myself: what on earth am I doing letting my dating life be dictated by the social norm? The social norm is so incredibly immature. With that came the decision that I should make like everyone else and try to wake you up, too (as this is also the generation of shoving opinions down people’s throats). So pull up them boot straps. This may sting a little.

Rant #1 – Endless talking

There is something wrong with a world of zero commitment. We’ve all read countless articles about how people don’t date anymore, they just talk. And yeah, sometimes they talk about dating, but usually without follow through.

commitment-phobia

I’m embarrassed to admit that I had a two year “talking” relationship (WHATEVEN?!). It became one of those “I can’t commit to others, cause I’m unofficially committed to him, but not really cause we’re just talking” things that so many of us think to be a good idea. We’d talked about dating but figured we were too busy or- let’s be honest here -too much into the idea of being free to flirt with others should the desire strike.

Which brings me to:

Rant #2 – Thirty, Flirty and Thriving on the Ladies Man

no more flirting
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What’s with a world that thinks it’s great to be single and flirt around? It’s not. It stinks, it leads people on and everyone gets hurt in the end. This is a no win situation. And why do we cheer on the ladies man? It’s not okay that he has the hearts of three different girls in his hand. In the same vein, why are we cheering on the girl who is constantly telling us stories of men she’s dumped or denied?

WE NEED MORE CLASS IN OUR GENERATION.

Let’s do away with the “I’ll keep you around in case I some day think you’re what I want” and set people free to pursue someone with the “I like you, let’s get to know each other better.”

Men, man up and ask the girl out if you’re interested. She won’t bite. If you’re not interested, stop flirting with her.

Women, lady up and stop gossiping to your friends about the guy who didn’t make the cut. It tears them down. Cut them loose gently and save their dignity by shutting up about it.

mandy-hale-quotesRant #3 – Secret Relationships

This is bad for all involved. If you’re “talking” to someone or “dating” them in secret, someone (or multiple some ones) will be hurt. It’s just a matter of time.

If we’re afraid to talk about our relationships with others because we’re afraid we’ll squelch a better opportunity along the way, then we’ve already decided this isn’t the right thing for us.

What do I mean by that?

Girl A likes Boy A and is secretly in a “talking” relationship with him.

Girl A gets asked out by Boy B.

Girl A doesn’t tell Boy B that she has feelings for Boy A and agrees to the date.

Boy B falls hard for Girl A.

Boy B then finds out about Boy A through Girl B.

Boy B gets hurt and breaks things off with Girl A.

Boy A finds out about Boy B, gets hurt and breaks things off with Girl A.

Girl A and Boys A and B are now hurting and no one is in a relationship.

Wouldn’t it be better if?

Boy A asks Girl A out.

Girl A says yes.

Boy B asks Girl A out.

Girl A kindly refuses due to relationship with Boy A.

Boy B is sad for a little while but because he didn’t spend much time investing in Girl A, is able to move on.

Girl A doesn’t tell the world about saying no to Boy B.

Everyone is happy (though for Boy B it may be a little while).

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Here’s a thought: If you don’t want to tell about someone your dating or talking to, you simply don’t care enough about the person to keep stringing them along. Cut them loose. You’ll both feel freer (is “freer” a word? It should be). If you’re afraid of passing up an opportunity that might be better for you, rest assured that if it’s God’s will for you, He’ll bring that person back around.

Let’s all just date one person at a time, please. Love triangles are so stinking overrated.

And honey… if (s)he hasn’t publicly committed to you yet, they most likely won’t. I know it’ll hurt, but it’s time to walk away.

best-kept-secret

And that’s coming from somebody who was somebody’s best kept secret for far too long.
Rant #4 – Stop being friends with somebody else’s lady/gentleman!
Stop making other girls wonder if their man is falling for someone else because he’s spending time with them. Stop making other boys wonder if their girl is falling for someone else because she’s spending time with them.
Feel free to be friends with the opposite sex if you’re single. In that scenario, it’s okay if one of you happens to fall for the other – there’s no one to get jealous. But gosh-dang-it, if you’re in a relationship, stop hanging out with your opposite-sex-friends. It’ll just cause strain on your relationship and will give your heart the opportunity to cheat.
Squelch the possibility before it arises! PLEASE! Save yourself and your friends the heartache. REMOVE TEMPTATION BY REMOVING YOURSELF. I’ve seen far too many marriages, engagements, relationships and friendships ruined because someone didn’t know when to let go of old friendships.

And you know I’m not talking about hanging out in groups, stop making

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excuses to ignore this post or defend your old habits. I’ve enough experience to know it’ll just hurt you in the long run. And if you can’t take my word for it, go watch When Harry Met Sally.

And here’s a hint for the world: if you’re afraid to let your boyfriend or girlfriend look at your text messages or mess with your phone, you’ve probably gone way too far with someone.
We’re a generation of distrust because we can’t even trust ourselves.
Rants over.

It boils down to this: if you’ve found someone you truly want to pursue, then set your heart and mind to it. Be willing to work hard because relationships really are hard. Write letters, make time, see them face to face. Be a part of their life in such a way that they’ll want to be a part of yours.

And let’s not be afraid to set higher standards for ourselves. We deserve it.

What are your thoughts on today’s dating world? Do you have any ranting you need to get off your chest?

One thought on “The one in which I rant about the dating scene…

  1. I think women today are opening themselves up way too soon in dating relationships. They allow themselves to be vulnerable and tell everything about themselves to another person when they have been dating for only a short time. This is why I think the dating scene needs to be looked at from God’s point of view. Like you mentioned, many times girls are following the world’s idea of dating and not God’s. A verse I really love from Song of Solomon is, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” In today’s dating world, women are awakening love before it is ready to be… which only leads to heartbreak. I have personally dated a “ladies man” and allowed myself to be used, manipulated, and disrespected by him. I knew he was lying and cheating on me, but I allowed myself to continue the relationship because I had a soul tie with him. I did not have respect for myself and I did not know my own self worth. I really liked the statement you said about setting your standards high and knowing you deserve more. If I would have allowed God control of the relationship and protected my own heart, I could have avoided this heartbreak all together. Sadly, I think so many women have experienced the same situation or something similar to it when dating.

    Like

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